Long shadows

TOTD: Some people have long shadows. There are no warning signs of their arrival in your life. When they go, they leave long shadows. Some dark ones and some light ones. Some may even impact your life by changing its route forever.

You can only see the dark shadowy ones when you peer back into your periods of darkness, and recognize them for who they were, and what they did to you. Amazingly, you continue to feel for the dark shadowy ones in the same way as you did when you let them into your life and allowed them to impact you. Even now when you know they were dark for you, you continue to ache for them, rationalizing what they did to you with reasons that you find easy to accept.

Ah, the deceptions that a human mind practices on itself!

Acceptance, Observance

With acceptance, comes observance. With dispassionate observance, comes quiet peace.

"Gam aur khushi mein pharak na mahsoos ho jahan
Mein dil ko us mukam pe lata chala gaya."

Memory vs. knowing

TOTD: Our memories define us. Make us what we are. Often it prevails over what we know.

For example, if we played with a pet lion when we were kids, we will continue to think that lions are friendly beings, even though the combined knowledge of the world will tell us that lions are unpredictable wild beings. Memories trump rational thinking.  Memories are also selective. More on that later.

PDA

TOTD: And now there is this new place to display affection - Facebook! I am seeing immediate family members, who are under the same roof,  having saccharine conversations on facebook.

When a husband and wife hug each other too often publicly, one can safely assume that they sleep with their backs to each other more often than not.

Is this the typical Indian way of doing things - Haathi ke daant: Khane ke aur, aur Dikhane ke aur?

To be Someones World

TOTD: It is hard to be Someones World. Someone can get very anxious about the state of his/her world - which is you - and force you to be the kind of world he/she wants you to be.

I am in my world, and you are in yours. Let our two worlds bump each other playfully, hold hands, and walk merrily besides each other, and still, be within themselves.  Must one become the other?

Protection

I don't need your protection. I need you to know that I can protect myself. 

I don't need you to provide for me. I need you to know that I can provide for myself.

I don't need you to buy things for me. I need you to know that I can buy for myself.

I don't need you to tell me what to wear. I need you to know that I can decide for myself.

I don't need you to worship me. I need you to know that I am your equal.

The End That Was Not

The world was supposed to end on 21/Dec/2012. Or 22/Dec/2012. Whatever. But it did not.

For me, it wasn't such a great thing. I mean, the world not ending. If the world had ended, everyone I loved would have perished along with me. And that would have been good.

I have lost so many people to death that I am now terrified to lose a single more person. There are times when I am in a constant state of dread, wondering whose loss I would now have to bear. As I grow older, the losses pile up, and the bearing up becomes tougher and tougher. The guilt of having survived increasingly stings, and I wonder why I was not the person who was taken away. I would rather go as I am right now, though not very well, but still healthy, with no persistent pains. If I were to die, I would escape the increasing decay of the body, which I abhor, and more importantly, avoid the pain of losing more loved ones.

In my quieter moments, I increasingly find myself mulling over my losses. I can't shake myself out of the nameless panic of going steadily downhill on the road of life. Worse, I no longer find myself looking forward to any gains, only a string of losses.

Except from the direction of my daughter. Bless her.